Anonymous: (con't from the previous ask) I suppose I should explain the situation a bit. I'm not someone who talks much about my personal life to anyone, not even my own family, so I don't say much really, but he keeps pestering me to tell him things and I say very little, but I guess it's enough for him to think these things and tell me what he thinks. I wish he'd just leave me alone but I'm afraid of making him angry. He doesn't seem to take too kindly to anyone not liking him so I try to stay neutral.
Hello there! :)
Eeek, this man seems a little … difficult.
So from the first message I’m going to say that I personally think you’re both right: He said that everyone has personal issues and goes through difficult times—which is very true. But at the same time, you’re not being mean to anyone, you’re just sad … which is normal, and you’re allowed to experience things how you naturally do. He shouldn’t have told you that you have “no right or excuses to feel bad about anything” as it’s not really his business. And as long as you’re not harming anyone or being a mean person, you have every right to feel down at points in your life.
At the same time, this could be his somewhat twisted way at helping you. He sees you’re sad, and he doesn’t know what the right thing to say is, so he tries to make you not sad anymore by telling you that you shouldn’t be sad. Guys can be bad at this stuff.
Next time he pesters you to divulge your personal life to him maybe ask him why it’s so important to him. It’s unfair to get people to spill personal details of their life to you only to turn around and use it against them or tell them they have no right to feel how they do.
Without knowing him or yourself this is very tricky to answer. But because he IS your co-worker you need to be very careful. It’s bad enough that you’re walking on eggshells around him as it is. Is there any way you could get your work schedule altered a bit so that you work with him less? In the meantime, you might want to avoid giving him details on your life; he seems to make you feel worse than you already did. If he bugs you about it just change the subject in a very blunt manner. Example: If he says, “What wrong with you?” just shrug and say something completely unrelated like, “Crazy thunderstorm last night, eh?”
Aha. It might seem weird, but it always works for me to get my point across that I don’t want to talk about something.
Lastly, you asked: “Should I just shut up and roll with the punches without acknowledging that they’re problems that affect my life?”
It depends. Are you upset and complaining at work all day long? Are you getting angry with co-workers? Are you bringing too much of your personal life into your work life? If yes, then you might want to find something that makes you happy to do before heading into work. Listen to some of your favorite music, eat something you love, etc. I would never tell someone to fake happiness, but you can try to boost your mood prior to work so that you’re not as upset. At the same time, you’re a human being, and you’re going to have ‘off’ days. If you’re only down once in a while, then it’s natural.
If it gets too bad, I definitely would bring it up to him. Just tell him to leave you be if he’s only going to say negative things.
Good luck!
XX
