Hey luv! I’m so sorry that you’re going through all this right now. I can imagine how heavy this is weighing on you, especially while battling depression.

It feels cheap throwing advice at you under such heavy circumstances, you know? Saying things like, “It’ll get better” are over said. I’m sure you’ve heard it all already. So what I’ll do instead is give you pure honesty, to help set you up to brave the battle.

Things are going to suck for a while. You’re going to have to make a choice, and consequently you’ll be left feeling as though you’re hurting someone. You’re going to miss the parent you don’t live with, but you can always visit. Since you’re home schooled, is it an option for you to do a half-and-half thing even? 

Divorce sucks. It’s not fun for anyone involved … but at the same time, staying with someone you hate is more toxic than a divorce. At some point both of your parents will be reintroduced to happiness, and it’ll rub off on you. You’ll feel it too. Also, as humans, we’re quite adaptable—we adjust and get used to things we never thought we would or could get used to. After a while, you’ll come to terms with their separation. 

You’ve been battling depression for quite some time, and I’m so sorry…I can’t even try to fathom how hard it’s been dealing with it for so long.

Do you see a therapist ever? I know that with some depressed patients, they’re advised to speak with professionals from time to time—to purge their minds and to help them begin to see things in a way they might have been blind to. I know this might not be an option for you, but if it is then now might be the time to speak out to someone. Someone who you can sit across from and spill everything to. Someone who’ll listen and patiently wait and offer up the strongest, best weapon to fight this upcoming battle with. I have a friend who went to therapy for social anxiety, and she told me that it really helped more than she ever would have thought to just be able to sorta verbalize everything she was thinking and worrying about. She really felt like her therapist was her friend … she listened, they talked about other random things that friends would talk about too, and she eased my friend back to her strongest self.

Try to keep good communication with your parents through this if you can. Ask them each if they’d be okay with you living with the other—talk it out, get everything on the table. When you make your choice, explain to the other one that you did not make it based on liking one more than the other, rather the convenience and ease living with the one you chose will bring. They know you love them.

I wish I could say more here, but the best thing I can tell you is that you don’t have to feel bad for feeling bad; you’re allowed to feel hurt. Try to talk it through with a professional if you can. Communicate with your parents about it all. Lastly, don’t tell yourself you’re not strong enough for that. You most certainly are. Some of us have to search for our strength is all. Some of us can summon our strength easily, while some of us have to search deep down … but it’s always there. You can do this!

Will keep ya in my thoughts, luv!

XX

Heeey there! :) The best thing to do is lighten it VERY gradually. This is what I did (it takes some patience, but is worth it). If your hair is dark brown, lighten it only a couple of shades with bleach (30 volume) then tone it with an ash-brown dye. (Or go to the salon and have it done).

I was actually surprised by how huge of a difference just lightening the ends a little bit made. It gave it a really cool subtle ombre effect that I really liked. If you want it lighter, then apply the bleach again (about 2-3 weeks later), then tone it to an ash blonde. (I like to use ash shades of hair dye on it after bleaching it to cut out orange tones … this is optional, of course).

The damage it causes depends on how much you’ve already done to your hair. I dye my hair with a chocolate brown color (because my natural brown hair is kinda ashy/colorless), so I bleached the bottom out, then I decided I didn’t like it anymore and colored it dark brown again. Then decided I wanted it ombre again about 2 months later (lol) and bleached it out again. Then I wanted it even lighter so I hit it with bleach once more. So for me, my ends are getting there damage-wise. Still, they aren’t too bad.

If you have virgin hair it’ll be fine! Something I’ve noticed, too, is that right after doing it (I do mine myself because I’ve always had awful experiences with hairdressers) it’s dry for about 2-3 days, then it pretty much slowly springs back to normal. Almost how it was before bleaching.

Also, a BIG help for me was going to YouTube and searching: DIY Ombre Hair

There are SO many videos on there that’ll help you. You can see them doing it on their hair, and see how it looks after! It really got me pumped and feeling more confident when I was trying to decide if I wanted to do it.

Now I love it and never want to change it (except make it lighter maybe!)

The shade it goes makes a huge difference; the first time I did it it went this weird yellow/straw color and I hated it. Then I did it again and it went a light brown/dark blonde color and I was happy!

As for keeping it healthy: throw some conditioner on it while it’s dry, before hopping in the shower. I also LOVE to heat up some extra virgin olive oil then coat the bleached hair in it. Wait half an hour then go in the shower and shampoo and condition like normal. Use a heat protector before blow drying or straightening too. I use the Chi one in the red bottle. Also, Redken Smooth Down Heat Glide is something I’ve used for years (one bottle literally lasts for years, lol).

I haven’t had too much trouble with mine yet (it kinda just feels normal—just a bit more dry than my normal hair) … but if you’re worried definitely watch the YouTube videos and consult with a hair salon! Good luck with it!!! :)

XX

Hey there, lovely!

This sounds like a very interesting topic, and these are great thought-provoking questions! Love it!

Okay, so onto my personal thoughts on this:

Firstly, you’re 1 billion percent right: it’s very difficult to be positive and confident all the time. I know you’re likely using ‘all the time’ very loosely here, but it’s even hard to be positive and confident most of the time. But we can always work on it. We’re never robbed of our ability to at least try.

When things are getting difficult we’re being put through our ultimate test of mental strength.

I tend to picture someone starting off with their head up high and their shoulders pushed back, confident and ready to take on the world. Sooner or later they face a hardship and their shoulders fall a little, their head lowers slightly. Time passes and something else goes wrong in their personal life: Their shoulders drop a little more and their head moves a little lower. Their confidence and positivity is being buried beneath their stress, their thoughts. Before they know it, their confidence is completely smothered, snuffed out by a world telling them that nothing is good enough; that no matter how good you are, someone will always be better; that perfection is actually a thing worth chasing, etc. Now they walked with their shoulders slumped and their face directed at the pavement.

The outer attacks have won.

But the thing is, that is we fight hard enough, that if we train ourselves to push, push, push past the negatives, we eventually come out on the other end, the better end. It takes a lot of mental strength and discipline … but if we try—really, really try—then positivity and confidence can and will prevail.

Even still—you’re right: humans can’t do any one thing all the time; we’re inconsistent, we’re changeable, we’re fickle … and we definitely cannot remain composed, confident, positive people all the time. Besides, it takes a lack of something to appreciate the gain of it.

We spend so much time fretting over how our bodies look, what we’re eating (is it healthy? is it organic? is it cruelty-free?) but we don’t focus on what we’re feeding our mind. We don’t focus on keeping our thoughts healthy and organic—and that’s where we lose confidence and positivity. So my advice is to care for and strengthen the ol’ mind as much as you care for and strengthen your body.

Finally, GOOD LUCK on your project and congrats on almost graduating! :) Have a lovely night!

XX

Hey there! :) First of all, I’d like to commend you for at least being able to admit you’re jealous; I meet FAR too many people who claim they’re “not the jealous type” then proceed to get angry over other people’s happiness/success, etc.

All right, now to the point: I can almost promise that you’ll overcome this with some effort. I know that jealously is a human emotion, and all of us feel it at some point or another—BUT it becomes a problem when we start getting mean toward others because of it—or when we start to blur out our own great qualities because of it. No good.

One time I had a SUPER (like SUPER SUPER) jealous friend. When we’d be out in public together she’d point out the most naturally pretty girls (the ones she was most jealous of) and completely tear them apart. She’d shoot them looks of disgust, whisper in my ear while staring at them and laughing, roll her eyes, etc. Even with me, she’d tell me I was ‘too skinny’ and that ‘no guys like skinny girls’ and say other digs and jabs. I was MORTIFIED—hence the past tense reference to our friendship.

Anyway, the reason I’m telling you this is because I seriously couldn’t find a more unattractive quality in a human. Her mean actions dulled out her good qualities; all I saw was jealously and hatred. I no longer saw the beautiful girl like I used to. And ultimately, hating on and being jealous of these people didn’t make them look any worse or any less happy or any less attractive or successful, it only made HER look worse and feel worse.

Some ways you can stop feeling jealous of others and start loving your own life are …

… and I’m going to use some Tough Love here, so know that I mean well, love!

1. Realizing the uniqueness that is YOUR life. There are about 7 billion people on Earth and NONE of those people are YOU. Only you can be you. This is the most beautiful gift of all; don’t throw it away by wishing to be someone else. Whether you see it or not yet, you DO have qualities that others wish they had. You are lovely, you have your own quirks, talents, weirdness … you are you, and no one else can take that from you.

2. Remember that a lot of what you see online is the glamorized version of someone’s life. To give a blatant example of this: No one is going to take a picture of the sloppy, partially rotten, falling-apart, cheap sub they had for dinner … but they’re going to photograph, Instagram, Facebook, Tweet, Tumblr and take out an AD during the Superbowl to show off the expensive lobster, wine and steak they ate at a swanky, upscale restaurant they went to. People want to appear as though they’re doing good or succeeding online, so you see a completely unreal look into their lives sometimes. I actually found a quote on Tumblr here that says: “The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”  I just think this is so true.

3. Realize that every second you spend being jealous of another human is a second you could have put toward bettering yourself. You’re wasting your time on them; you’re losing sight of yourself and becoming blind to your own life’s beauty. When you feel the uneasy feeling of jealously seeping in, quickly think of something good about yourself—but don’t do it in a way where it has to insult another human. We should never have to take from others to gain for ourselves. Something like, “SURE that girl has mile-long, toned, flawless legs, but I have beautiful teeth and a charming smile (or whatever good quality you have).” JUST remind yourself. We forget so easily. We get blinded so quickly … but it’s imperative to remind ourselves.

4. Quickly switch the jealously into happiness for them. Over time, this will get easier. Like a muscle, you NEED to build on it. You need to keep working out these parts of yourself in order to make them strong, but they WILL get strong. If a friend tells you she/he has met the love of their life, genuinely be happy for them … tell yourself that this will create two more happy people in the world, and the more happy people, the better this crazy world will run.

5. Turn the things that make you feel jealously into the things you work on bettering. One thing that jealously can teach us is what we truly want in life. The things that make us feel that jealously pang are typically the things we value; so instead of letting your envy fester into bad feelings, use it as a tool to succeed. Example: “I’m jealous that (random person) got a promotion at work and a good raise, but I’m happy for her and want to earn the same things in life, so I’m going to congratulate her, then move on to working my ass off until I can be in her place some day!”

Lastly, always remember that your jealously shows. I can ALWAYS tell when someone’s jealous. Always, always always. You might feel like you’re hiding it, but I find this is the one emotion that always shows, no matter how good the person thinks they’re acting. So starting now, try to list a few things about some friends/family that make you proud of them, and IGNORE the jealously. Then list some things that make you proud of yourself. You’ll probably see that we all have relatively the same amount of good and bad qualities. We’re all human, after all.

I wish you all the best, and remember that you have to work on this—but in time it should fade out.

I hope the rest of your week goes well, luv!

XX