Nono. That’s not what people mean when they say love comes to you when you least expect it. You still have to do work. What the saying means is that things align when you least expect it to. No one would end up with anyone if we always just expected people to come to us without having to put in any effort, you know?

A cute guy being in your class is the unexpected part. You crushing on him is the unexpected part. But as far as getting to know him, you can’t just wish it, you definitely have to get him to talk with you.

It also kinda means that love itself comes when we least expect it: So you get to know someone as a friend, or even develop a crush on someone—but before you know it, boom … you’re falling in love and everything seems to have happened so fast, so unexpectedly.

I think some people do misunderstand and think love will just drift into their life when they’re least expecting it to all the time … and it does SOMETIMES, but when you really, really like someone, you’ve gotta make a move too.

Hope you have a wonderful night! :)

XX

Hey there! I want to start by saying you have a really, really pretty blog! I love it! <3

And second :’) — thank you SO much for this message full of kind words! I appreciate it more than you know! You seem like such a sweet person yourself!

I hope your Thursday has been wonderful! :)

XX

Heeey there! :) The best thing to do is lighten it VERY gradually. This is what I did (it takes some patience, but is worth it). If your hair is dark brown, lighten it only a couple of shades with bleach (30 volume) then tone it with an ash-brown dye. (Or go to the salon and have it done).

I was actually surprised by how huge of a difference just lightening the ends a little bit made. It gave it a really cool subtle ombre effect that I really liked. If you want it lighter, then apply the bleach again (about 2-3 weeks later), then tone it to an ash blonde. (I like to use ash shades of hair dye on it after bleaching it to cut out orange tones … this is optional, of course).

The damage it causes depends on how much you’ve already done to your hair. I dye my hair with a chocolate brown color (because my natural brown hair is kinda ashy/colorless), so I bleached the bottom out, then I decided I didn’t like it anymore and colored it dark brown again. Then decided I wanted it ombre again about 2 months later (lol) and bleached it out again. Then I wanted it even lighter so I hit it with bleach once more. So for me, my ends are getting there damage-wise. Still, they aren’t too bad.

If you have virgin hair it’ll be fine! Something I’ve noticed, too, is that right after doing it (I do mine myself because I’ve always had awful experiences with hairdressers) it’s dry for about 2-3 days, then it pretty much slowly springs back to normal. Almost how it was before bleaching.

Also, a BIG help for me was going to YouTube and searching: DIY Ombre Hair

There are SO many videos on there that’ll help you. You can see them doing it on their hair, and see how it looks after! It really got me pumped and feeling more confident when I was trying to decide if I wanted to do it.

Now I love it and never want to change it (except make it lighter maybe!)

The shade it goes makes a huge difference; the first time I did it it went this weird yellow/straw color and I hated it. Then I did it again and it went a light brown/dark blonde color and I was happy!

As for keeping it healthy: throw some conditioner on it while it’s dry, before hopping in the shower. I also LOVE to heat up some extra virgin olive oil then coat the bleached hair in it. Wait half an hour then go in the shower and shampoo and condition like normal. Use a heat protector before blow drying or straightening too. I use the Chi one in the red bottle. Also, Redken Smooth Down Heat Glide is something I’ve used for years (one bottle literally lasts for years, lol).

I haven’t had too much trouble with mine yet (it kinda just feels normal—just a bit more dry than my normal hair) … but if you’re worried definitely watch the YouTube videos and consult with a hair salon! Good luck with it!!! :)

XX

Hey there, lovely!

This sounds like a very interesting topic, and these are great thought-provoking questions! Love it!

Okay, so onto my personal thoughts on this:

Firstly, you’re 1 billion percent right: it’s very difficult to be positive and confident all the time. I know you’re likely using ‘all the time’ very loosely here, but it’s even hard to be positive and confident most of the time. But we can always work on it. We’re never robbed of our ability to at least try.

When things are getting difficult we’re being put through our ultimate test of mental strength.

I tend to picture someone starting off with their head up high and their shoulders pushed back, confident and ready to take on the world. Sooner or later they face a hardship and their shoulders fall a little, their head lowers slightly. Time passes and something else goes wrong in their personal life: Their shoulders drop a little more and their head moves a little lower. Their confidence and positivity is being buried beneath their stress, their thoughts. Before they know it, their confidence is completely smothered, snuffed out by a world telling them that nothing is good enough; that no matter how good you are, someone will always be better; that perfection is actually a thing worth chasing, etc. Now they walked with their shoulders slumped and their face directed at the pavement.

The outer attacks have won.

But the thing is, that is we fight hard enough, that if we train ourselves to push, push, push past the negatives, we eventually come out on the other end, the better end. It takes a lot of mental strength and discipline … but if we try—really, really try—then positivity and confidence can and will prevail.

Even still—you’re right: humans can’t do any one thing all the time; we’re inconsistent, we’re changeable, we’re fickle … and we definitely cannot remain composed, confident, positive people all the time. Besides, it takes a lack of something to appreciate the gain of it.

We spend so much time fretting over how our bodies look, what we’re eating (is it healthy? is it organic? is it cruelty-free?) but we don’t focus on what we’re feeding our mind. We don’t focus on keeping our thoughts healthy and organic—and that’s where we lose confidence and positivity. So my advice is to care for and strengthen the ol’ mind as much as you care for and strengthen your body.

Finally, GOOD LUCK on your project and congrats on almost graduating! :) Have a lovely night!

XX

Hey there! :) First of all, I’d like to commend you for at least being able to admit you’re jealous; I meet FAR too many people who claim they’re “not the jealous type” then proceed to get angry over other people’s happiness/success, etc.

All right, now to the point: I can almost promise that you’ll overcome this with some effort. I know that jealously is a human emotion, and all of us feel it at some point or another—BUT it becomes a problem when we start getting mean toward others because of it—or when we start to blur out our own great qualities because of it. No good.

One time I had a SUPER (like SUPER SUPER) jealous friend. When we’d be out in public together she’d point out the most naturally pretty girls (the ones she was most jealous of) and completely tear them apart. She’d shoot them looks of disgust, whisper in my ear while staring at them and laughing, roll her eyes, etc. Even with me, she’d tell me I was ‘too skinny’ and that ‘no guys like skinny girls’ and say other digs and jabs. I was MORTIFIED—hence the past tense reference to our friendship.

Anyway, the reason I’m telling you this is because I seriously couldn’t find a more unattractive quality in a human. Her mean actions dulled out her good qualities; all I saw was jealously and hatred. I no longer saw the beautiful girl like I used to. And ultimately, hating on and being jealous of these people didn’t make them look any worse or any less happy or any less attractive or successful, it only made HER look worse and feel worse.

Some ways you can stop feeling jealous of others and start loving your own life are …

… and I’m going to use some Tough Love here, so know that I mean well, love!

1. Realizing the uniqueness that is YOUR life. There are about 7 billion people on Earth and NONE of those people are YOU. Only you can be you. This is the most beautiful gift of all; don’t throw it away by wishing to be someone else. Whether you see it or not yet, you DO have qualities that others wish they had. You are lovely, you have your own quirks, talents, weirdness … you are you, and no one else can take that from you.

2. Remember that a lot of what you see online is the glamorized version of someone’s life. To give a blatant example of this: No one is going to take a picture of the sloppy, partially rotten, falling-apart, cheap sub they had for dinner … but they’re going to photograph, Instagram, Facebook, Tweet, Tumblr and take out an AD during the Superbowl to show off the expensive lobster, wine and steak they ate at a swanky, upscale restaurant they went to. People want to appear as though they’re doing good or succeeding online, so you see a completely unreal look into their lives sometimes. I actually found a quote on Tumblr here that says: “The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”  I just think this is so true.

3. Realize that every second you spend being jealous of another human is a second you could have put toward bettering yourself. You’re wasting your time on them; you’re losing sight of yourself and becoming blind to your own life’s beauty. When you feel the uneasy feeling of jealously seeping in, quickly think of something good about yourself—but don’t do it in a way where it has to insult another human. We should never have to take from others to gain for ourselves. Something like, “SURE that girl has mile-long, toned, flawless legs, but I have beautiful teeth and a charming smile (or whatever good quality you have).” JUST remind yourself. We forget so easily. We get blinded so quickly … but it’s imperative to remind ourselves.

4. Quickly switch the jealously into happiness for them. Over time, this will get easier. Like a muscle, you NEED to build on it. You need to keep working out these parts of yourself in order to make them strong, but they WILL get strong. If a friend tells you she/he has met the love of their life, genuinely be happy for them … tell yourself that this will create two more happy people in the world, and the more happy people, the better this crazy world will run.

5. Turn the things that make you feel jealously into the things you work on bettering. One thing that jealously can teach us is what we truly want in life. The things that make us feel that jealously pang are typically the things we value; so instead of letting your envy fester into bad feelings, use it as a tool to succeed. Example: “I’m jealous that (random person) got a promotion at work and a good raise, but I’m happy for her and want to earn the same things in life, so I’m going to congratulate her, then move on to working my ass off until I can be in her place some day!”

Lastly, always remember that your jealously shows. I can ALWAYS tell when someone’s jealous. Always, always always. You might feel like you’re hiding it, but I find this is the one emotion that always shows, no matter how good the person thinks they’re acting. So starting now, try to list a few things about some friends/family that make you proud of them, and IGNORE the jealously. Then list some things that make you proud of yourself. You’ll probably see that we all have relatively the same amount of good and bad qualities. We’re all human, after all.

I wish you all the best, and remember that you have to work on this—but in time it should fade out.

I hope the rest of your week goes well, luv!

XX

You’re the biggest sweetheart! Thank you for being such a thoughtful person; I really appreciate it so much! I hope your week has been very, very lovely, too! :)

XX

Hi there! This sounds like it could be caused by the Sodium Lauryl Sulfate (SLS) in your toothpaste. It’s a cleaning agent that is drying (and it’s what causes most of the foam you see while brushing). Try switching to a toothpaste with Sodium Coco Sulfate (which is a very diluted version of SLS) or just a SLS-free ones all together.

I actually switched to one with Xylitol instead of fluoride (Xylitol helps re-mineralize teeth and minimize plaque. You can read about it here if you want). I never got fine lines around my mouth but I did get dry lips and a dry mouth a lot—and switching has helped SO MUCH! The one I use is called Xyliwhite, but there are loads of gentle toothpastes out there! Just do a quick search.

In the mean time here are some things to try:

1. Make sure you splash water over your mouth right after brushing

2. Moisturize the area at night, and BE SURE to sure sunscreen in the day

3. Watch what you eat/drink throughout the day; it could be something unrelated to the toothpaste. Highly acidic foods could be the cause.

4. Make sure you’re drinking water; always stay hydrated

5. I doubt it’s your razor causing the lines; every guy I know shaves his upper lip and face and it doesn’t cause lines—BUT be sure to use a clean razor and a moisturizing shave lotion. A dull razor can drag on the skin and make teeny cuts that’ll appear as lines. Moisturize right after shaving!

6. Try smearing Vaseline over the mouth area before bed; you should wake up with it looking more plump and smooth!

Good luck! You’re still very young and shouldn’t see any aging related lines for a bit. BUT if you’re a sun-worshiper or smoke or drink a lot and don’t eat healthy you might get them earlier. So be healthy, and switch your products to more gentle ones!

Best of luck!

XX

Hello there! :)

Eeek, this man seems a little … difficult.

So from the first message I’m going to say that I personally think you’re both right: He said that everyone has personal issues and goes through difficult times—which is very true. But at the same time, you’re not being mean to anyone, you’re just sad … which is normal, and you’re allowed to experience things how you naturally do. He shouldn’t have told you that you have “no right or excuses to feel bad about anything” as it’s not really his business. And as long as you’re not harming anyone or being a mean person, you have every right to feel down at points in your life.

At the same time, this could be his somewhat twisted way at helping you. He sees you’re sad, and he doesn’t know what the right thing to say is, so he tries to make you not sad anymore by telling you that you shouldn’t be sad. Guys can be bad at this stuff.

Next time he pesters you to divulge your personal life to him maybe ask him why it’s so important to him. It’s unfair to get people to spill personal details of their life to you only to turn around and use it against them or tell them they have no right to feel how they do.

Without knowing him or yourself this is very tricky to answer. But because he IS your co-worker you need to be very careful. It’s bad enough that you’re walking on eggshells around him as it is. Is there any way you could get your work schedule altered a bit so that you work with him less? In the meantime, you might want to avoid giving him details on your life; he seems to make you feel worse than you already did. If he bugs you about it just change the subject in a very blunt manner. Example: If he says, “What wrong with you?” just shrug and say something completely unrelated like, “Crazy thunderstorm last night, eh?”

Aha. It might seem weird, but it always works for me to get my point across that I don’t want to talk about something.

Lastly, you asked: “Should I just shut up and roll with the punches without acknowledging that they’re problems that affect my life?”

It depends. Are you upset and complaining at work all day long? Are you getting angry with co-workers? Are you bringing too much of your personal life into your work life? If yes, then you might want to find something that makes you happy to do before heading into work. Listen to some of your favorite music, eat something you love, etc. I would never tell someone to fake happiness, but you can try to boost your mood prior to work so that you’re not as upset. At the same time, you’re a human being, and you’re going to have ‘off’ days. If you’re only down once in a while, then it’s natural.

If it gets too bad, I definitely would bring it up to him. Just tell him to leave you be if he’s only going to say negative things.

Good luck!

XX

Hey dear!

I got part 1 of this message, too, where you explained that you don’t want to feel like you’re bossing her around and stuff, and I completely feel ya there. Sometimes when someone is caught up in something that’s bad for them, it starts to feel normal to them and they don’t see it as a problem, so when people confront them, they can feel like they’re being attacked for ‘nothing’—as again, they don’t see it as an issue.

But you’re right—she is tampering with her life. And you’re her good friend, so she needs you the most right now. Although you don’t want to give up on the friendship, sometimes what happens is that it dwindles down. It becomes very hard to stay friends with someone who is now living an entirely different life than you, even if that’s not how you wanted it. But it’s important to try to help her first, to try and salvage her life and your friendship.

How do you tell her how you truly feel? Well, bring it up slowly and in a way where she doesn’t feel like she’s being scolded or told what to do and, most importantly, in a way where she doesn’t feel judged.

If it were me, I’d plan a girls’ night out (or night in) and at some point when she’s comfortable I’d say something along the lines of, “I know you’re kinda experimenting with some stuff lately, but I just want you to know that it worries me because those things can spiral out of hand so quickly—and I know you’re a very smart girl and you can do what you want…but I hope you know that I see you doing awesome things with your life and don’t want some stupid drugs to ruin all that for you.”

Don’t let it escalate into an argument, just explain how you see her potential and want the best for her, as all friends should.

I’ve had friends who abused alcohol, and when talking to them about it I was very, very non-judgmental and calming toward them. I asked questions first to engage them and to get them to open up (things like, “How much would you say you drink in a week?” or “What do you drink usually?”) all the while keeping a very neutral face. Then I reassure them that they’re smart and point out one of their gifts/talents, and if I’ve known them long enough I’ll talk about a memory we shared from pre-alcohol abuse. Then I ask if there’s anything fun that they like to do that’ll keep their mind off alcohol. If they let me I try to spend time with them doing things that’ll keep their mind off drinking: stay in and have a movie marathon and cook/bake, go chill in a cafe and chat, shop, etc.

When talking to her, it’s imperative that yo don’t leave her feeling attacked. This will only make her want to go and do it more to piss people off. Ease in to it and let her know she’s loved. Hopefully she’ll see you’re coming from a pure place.

It is tricky, I won’t deny that. And one talk likely won’t be enough to make her stop all together. Educate her if you can. Explain the long term effects of some of these things, the damage they can do. Sometimes people just genuinely aren’t aware. They hear, “Drugs are bad,” but get desensitized to hearing that and need to hear HOW, exactly, they aren’t good.

I wish you both all the best. I definitely wouldn’t give up on her, though, luv. Now’s not the time.

XX

❤ Thank you SO much! And oh.my. I love, love, love yours too! It’s so perfect and halloween-y!

I hope you have a lovely weekend, and thank you again! ❤

XX

This is so, so, so, so sweet in so many ways—and I thank you heaps for it! BUT, I have to be honest and admit that those are only pictures; so I get to choose my good angles and take 500 before I find one I consider ‘good.’ I also get to pose and hold my face in a way that I find flattering or stand in good lighting … in real life I feel like I typically sit here with a stupid expression and, well it’s just not the same as a pic. Haha.

This made me smile big time though, lovely! Now I wanna go watch those Scooby Doo movies to see what Sarah looks like in ‘em! :P

I hope you’ve had a wonderful week so far! Thank you again!
XX

I’m finding that this is happening more and more nowadays. I do believe that—wait for it—the Internet is a HUGE culprit.

We don’t have to put effort into seeing our friends anymore; we simply log onto a site and voila. So now a lot of us have nearly lost the ability to keep a real life new friendship afloat. I’ve had SO MANY *almost* friendships, too. They fizzle out because people these days (and I’m the WORST for this) think that unless someone looks you straight in the eye and basically screams “I LIKE YOU AND WANT TO HANG OUT AND BE YOUR FRIEND” that they don’t actually want to hang out or be friends. No one wants to force themselves into someone’s life—and in my case, it’s just good old fashioned shyness.

I think that no one wants to come off as desperate, too, so we kinda let it be rather than text or message people to make plans to hang. Especially new people.

Another culprit is trust issues. I’ve met lots of people who had friendships go sour so they were reluctant to trust a girl ever again, and it showed. While I totally understand this, I have a hard time keeping friendships with people who can’t trust or always assume the worst. I need all or nothing in friendships and for people to see that I am 100% trustworthy. It’s insulting to pay for other people’s fuck-ups, you know?

Now, advice-wise … I’m going to have to say that you’ll probably wind up with very few friends if your goal is to find people you “don’t have to do anything for.” Even the best, easiest friendships take some work. And like I said above, people need to see that you truly want their friendship. It’s hard sometimes when you’re more on the shy side, but we have to break free from our shells and leave our comfort zones and be straight up with people. When I have a good time out with a friend, I always leave the night saying, ‘We should do this again. But like, seriously. I don’t want to just talk about it and never do it.’ <— It’s basically my go-to line to get the point across that I want to hang again. I’ll usually send ONE text afterward a few days later, and if nothing happens from there then so be it. I tried, and I don’t want to feel like I’m pressuring someone into hanging out.

Unfortunately as far as advice goes, there’s not a lot. You put yourself out there, be up front about wanting to be friends, be supportive and kind and a genuinely good friend, and if a friendship blossoms then great, if not—well, we can’t force it.

The dissolving thing you described happens when two people are both unsure of what the other one is thinking. Usually it’s two people thinking, I haven’t heard from (your name) in a while. I wonder if I did something to annoy her. Or they assume you’re really busy or else you would’ve contacted them, so they don’t contact you in case you’re too busy. It’s weird. It’s mostly all in our heads, really. Ha.

This is getting long, but don’t be afraid to put a little effort in, be blunt, don’t over think and hopefully you’ll end up with some solid friends! I’ll be your friend! :)

Have a great week, lovely!

XX

You and me both! :) I like the way you think, haha. But I guess that without the blazing summer heat, we likely wouldn’t appreciate autumn quite as much. ‘Least that’s what I tell myself. :P

Thank you for the message! :) I hope you’re having a wonderful weekend so far!

XX

AHHH! Thank you so much for saying that! :’) I really like yours, too!

Hope you’re having a nice weekend, luv!

XX

Wow, this sounds like me. I seriously could have written this myself because I often say this. I know people can’t be happy all the time, but I also often find myself surrounded by people who can be negative or just rude for no reason when I’m being nice.

We’re in the same boat, dear! Here are a few things I’ve learned (keeping in mind that this excludes those seriously dealing with a mental illness, because those people are down due to an actual imbalance that they can’t help):

1. At the end of the day, you win for being nice because they don’t feel good about being rude in the end. HOW could you feel good about yourself after being rude to someone for zero reason, who is just being nice. I would feel like absolute shit.

2. Some (not all, but some) people genuinely dislike happy and positive people and even go as far as calling happy people ‘fake.’ Those people don’t like happy people because they feel lifted and above you when you’re miserable. Happiness is often affiliated with success, and if you’re succeeding, they automatically see that as a threat. Unfortunately there are some people in life who see everything as a threat to them. It’s actually kinda disgusting, so ignore it the best you can, luv.

3. I think some people are afraid of happiness; afraid that once they feel it, they’ll like it and then it’ll be ripped away from them, so they kinda stay miserable. I’ve felt like this before, but still … I never was mean or negative. I basically just didn’t allow myself to be excited over much of anything. Now I do, though. We’re here for a short time, I want to feel more good stuff than bad stuff in this short life, y’know?

4. Some people associate nice with weak, which is why some people might alienate you. WHERE ON EARTH they get this: I.Do.Not.Know. Though extremely nice, I can pull a 360 and get straight up confrontational and start tearing someone apart in under a second if they wrong me or anyone I love. Nice is an attribute to the strong and more evolved, I believe. Because it’s harder to be nice, especially when things are how you’ve describe above. Rude is easy: Just scowl and make ugly faces and be short with people and whine about insignificant stuff.

5. Never, ever let them take your happiness. Don’t let the world make you hard. You asked, “Do you think I should stop being nice to them?” and my answer is no, don’t stop being a nice person, don’t be mean, just learn who to remove from your life and who to keep in it. When you only surround yourself with people who appreciate your niceness and who are nice in return, then it gets easier. Sure you’ll always have some miserable asshole giving you attitude or a dirty look for what seems like NO REASON at a store or in some public place—but just wish them the best, because people who don’t even know you and are rude to you must have some serious insecurity or other issues. Sometimes I just smile to piss them off if they’re being unkind for no reason. But in the end, and it might sound harsh, I’ve learned to quickly remove people from my life entirely the SECOND I feel they’re in any way going to bring me down or attempt to make me feel bad about myself. Friends are supposed to make each other happy for the most part, and they definitely shouldn’t make you feel ‘invisible.’

Finally, my advice is to find balance. Don’t stop being nice, but when people are treating you badly, show them, let them know. I’ve tried not being nice (in an attempt to see why people do it) and it sucked. I felt separated from myself, like I was some bitch looking in on the real me. I bet that even if you tried, you wouldn’t be able to stop being nice; when it’s who you are, it’s hard to deviate from it. So find a happy balance where you’re nice, but don’t take crap from people.

Good luck with it all! :)

XX