Hey there! :) First of all, I’d like to commend you for at least being able to admit you’re jealous; I meet FAR too many people who claim they’re “not the jealous type” then proceed to get angry over other people’s happiness/success, etc.
All right, now to the point: I can almost promise that you’ll overcome this with some effort. I know that jealously is a human emotion, and all of us feel it at some point or another—BUT it becomes a problem when we start getting mean toward others because of it—or when we start to blur out our own great qualities because of it. No good.
One time I had a SUPER (like SUPER SUPER) jealous friend. When we’d be out in public together she’d point out the most naturally pretty girls (the ones she was most jealous of) and completely tear them apart. She’d shoot them looks of disgust, whisper in my ear while staring at them and laughing, roll her eyes, etc. Even with me, she’d tell me I was ‘too skinny’ and that ‘no guys like skinny girls’ and say other digs and jabs. I was MORTIFIED—hence the past tense reference to our friendship.
Anyway, the reason I’m telling you this is because I seriously couldn’t find a more unattractive quality in a human. Her mean actions dulled out her good qualities; all I saw was jealously and hatred. I no longer saw the beautiful girl like I used to. And ultimately, hating on and being jealous of these people didn’t make them look any worse or any less happy or any less attractive or successful, it only made HER look worse and feel worse.
Some ways you can stop feeling jealous of others and start loving your own life are …
… and I’m going to use some Tough Love here, so know that I mean well, love!
1. Realizing the uniqueness that is YOUR life. There are about 7 billion people on Earth and NONE of those people are YOU. Only you can be you. This is the most beautiful gift of all; don’t throw it away by wishing to be someone else. Whether you see it or not yet, you DO have qualities that others wish they had. You are lovely, you have your own quirks, talents, weirdness … you are you, and no one else can take that from you.
2. Remember that a lot of what you see online is the glamorized version of someone’s life. To give a blatant example of this: No one is going to take a picture of the sloppy, partially rotten, falling-apart, cheap sub they had for dinner … but they’re going to photograph, Instagram, Facebook, Tweet, Tumblr and take out an AD during the Superbowl to show off the expensive lobster, wine and steak they ate at a swanky, upscale restaurant they went to. People want to appear as though they’re doing good or succeeding online, so you see a completely unreal look into their lives sometimes. I actually found a quote on Tumblr here that says: “The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” I just think this is so true.
3. Realize that every second you spend being jealous of another human is a second you could have put toward bettering yourself. You’re wasting your time on them; you’re losing sight of yourself and becoming blind to your own life’s beauty. When you feel the uneasy feeling of jealously seeping in, quickly think of something good about yourself—but don’t do it in a way where it has to insult another human. We should never have to take from others to gain for ourselves. Something like, “SURE that girl has mile-long, toned, flawless legs, but I have beautiful teeth and a charming smile (or whatever good quality you have).” JUST remind yourself. We forget so easily. We get blinded so quickly … but it’s imperative to remind ourselves.
4. Quickly switch the jealously into happiness for them. Over time, this will get easier. Like a muscle, you NEED to build on it. You need to keep working out these parts of yourself in order to make them strong, but they WILL get strong. If a friend tells you she/he has met the love of their life, genuinely be happy for them … tell yourself that this will create two more happy people in the world, and the more happy people, the better this crazy world will run.
5. Turn the things that make you feel jealously into the things you work on bettering. One thing that jealously can teach us is what we truly want in life. The things that make us feel that jealously pang are typically the things we value; so instead of letting your envy fester into bad feelings, use it as a tool to succeed. Example: “I’m jealous that (random person) got a promotion at work and a good raise, but I’m happy for her and want to earn the same things in life, so I’m going to congratulate her, then move on to working my ass off until I can be in her place some day!”
Lastly, always remember that your jealously shows. I can ALWAYS tell when someone’s jealous. Always, always always. You might feel like you’re hiding it, but I find this is the one emotion that always shows, no matter how good the person thinks they’re acting. So starting now, try to list a few things about some friends/family that make you proud of them, and IGNORE the jealously. Then list some things that make you proud of yourself. You’ll probably see that we all have relatively the same amount of good and bad qualities. We’re all human, after all.
I wish you all the best, and remember that you have to work on this—but in time it should fade out.
I hope the rest of your week goes well, luv!